Brazilian Election: an Honest CV
During his party’s free radio time, Hildebrando Marcos, a congressional candidate in Paraíba in 2006, displayed a level of honesty unrivaled among politicians: “I’m unemployed. Hire me with your vote,” he pleaded.
Brazilian Election: the Police Lineup
On election day, in fact you’ll be looking at a police lineup. Facing the crooks that are up for reelection. With your finger on the trigger of the ballot. Fire!
- a mini-article by José Maria Leal Paes making the rounds on the Internet in 2006
Brazilian Election: Sexually Transmitted Disease
THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL has issued a warning about a new, highly virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease that has been detected in Brazil. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to, anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of all civilized languages; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and homophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; total ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Brazil. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a small town in the northeastern state of Pernambuco, and has developed strength in the suburbs of São Paulo.
Beware of Gonorrhea Lectim, and take all precautions possible, in order not to be infected.
The apex of this epidemic is expected to happen by October 2006, but its results and consequences will last for four more years…
- making the rounds on the Internet in 2006
Divine Intervention
“God kills. I just make a little hole.”
- gunman-philosopher João de Carminha at a cabaré in Campina Grande, Paraíba
Bush Joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
- going the rounds in October 2005
Artful Transparency
"I used to be transparent. Sometimes, when I stop working, I become transparent again. But normally I'm quite colorful."
- Arthur Bispo do Rosário, an artist who was considered mentally ill. The late Bispo spent much of his adult life in an institution. (Hypomnemata)
Night Moves
A sign spied at a São Paulo shopping mall: “With each purchase, an anti-blackout kit: a candle and a condom.”
- Gazeta Mercantil, June 5, 2001
The End of the World
We know the world is coming to an end when:
- Germany is the world champion of sumo wrestling;
- France is the soccer country;
- Brazil has the best tennis player in the world;
- Spain is the Indoor Soccer World Champion beating Brazil - for the first time ever;
- The best golf player EVER is black;
- The best soccer team in Brazil is a team from the third division, São Caetano;
- And last but not least: Brazil is going to teach the United States how to make a 100% electronic election with fast and precise results.
- from the Internet, 2000
Dead Bahian
A visitor to Salvador is struck by all the monuments and buildings, including the airport, that are named after the late legislator Luiz Eduardo Magalhães. "That must be because his father is such a powerful Senator," he suggests to his host. "No," responds his friend, "It is because Luiz Eduardo was the first bahiano to die of stress."
- made the rounds in 2000
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